I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
