There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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