God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
