I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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