those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
