Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
