Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
