You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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