OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
soo... how was my night?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
