you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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