I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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