I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
