ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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