Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
