.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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