would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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