im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize