Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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