Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
