I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
