Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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