Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
