i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All the doctor said was why
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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