I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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