I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
