She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't want my vagina anymore.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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