I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
