Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish i was in the wii world.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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