we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
