okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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