Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
