Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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