yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
