i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
