I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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