we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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