and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
