I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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