Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
