That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
