its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
