How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
