What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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