I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
