I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
