I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
