he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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