I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
