Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
