made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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