So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
