I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
