I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
