Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
