Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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