So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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