I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize