she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
