found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
