I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
