Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize