I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
