just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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