So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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