if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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