IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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