what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
