just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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