And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
